i feel so lucky to have found this "free" and "free-ing" space...by some stroke of luck my friend sent me a link to a website "HotorNot" so i can check out her new guy & i checked it out & found it really stupid, but funny, serves its purpose i guess...but at least it led me to this blogger site & now i'm happy. i got enough time on my hands at the moment just to think and blog...maybe i should just make this totally private & nobody can read my mind, but i figured what the heck i am ms. anonymous anyway...i'm afraid my husband will find out about my thoughts & discover i'm becoming more of a stranger to him, yet we live together under the same roof deciding it's best for our kid, doing our best to stay together for our boy - he's so wonderful and kids are so fragile that it's difficult for me to make that move again, but, trying to stay in love? or is there still enough love to see us through???...i've been through it once before in this same lifetime...going thru another divorce just seems so daunting, like another mountain to climb...altho. i was a mountaineer back in school, that was a longg time ago...now i'm full of insecurities. I'm afraid that my actions of wanting my freedom again, will create a bad domino effect on my kids...what if, & all the other what ifs come up, & i hear them constantly... the noise around my home...when i'm just trying to build the perfect home for me, the perfect space & room to grow with my kids... i've made my mistakes...but who hasn't?
so what if he finds out about my new "escape", my blogs, then what the heck, maybe it's about time he meets the "real" me, not the one he wants me to be, his wife...the stranger. I wish Life was much simpler than what i've created...& i wonder, why do we make the choices we made despite the warning voices in our heads? the nagging doubts...when will there ever be no doubts? That's what i'm searching for...
till then,
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