it's too early in the week to be daydreaming i know, i usually reserve these for night time solitude...
but, like i always say, what else can i do? (it beats sitting here & staring at a blank screen w/ the blinking cursor... )
what do i daydream the most about?....Hmmm, that's easy...
...i always imagine that "ideal love", that "ideal man" that i've never met, or maybe... bumped into once in my life...but just don't have the courage to rearrange my whole life for...to see, if perhaps, he truly is the One...if there ever is a One?...
well, not to be cynical, i do believe there is a One, a soulmate, but that there are also "soul-mates" in one's lifetime...your best friends, your EX-es, your kids, your family, your soul-group...& depending on the Karma that you need to relive and reinvent...you either are blessed to be with that soulmate or doomed to walk this earth like a heart without a proper home...
... i know, i'm really vague when it comes to matters of the heart...that's my weakness, my "achilles' heel", that's where i go giberrish... did u see that movie "Troy" ( i mean, it's hollywoodized of course) but, the most touching scene for me was, the last moments of Achilles when he realized his true love, & ready to defend his loved one to the death, ready to change into a less bitter man...but as fate would have it, the prince Paris shot an arrow to his heel not knowing he was on their side... that became his downfall...the most celebrated warrior of that time... It's a tragedy of course, like most Greek myths...but it makes me think... what if?
what if, by my own undoing, because i am so jaded about relationships...& because i still don't know what that "ideal relationship" is...ok, so there's no ideal relationship, u gotta keep working on it...well,
what if there is one...where it is less work because you are the perfect match, like peas in a pod...like the Yin to your Yang & vice versa... so, here i go believing in my heart that there is a possibility of finding that true love that is complete...without too much trying...it's just there... it just IS, and how do U know for sure?
for no reason but, that u feel it most when you're together...& even when apart...it's just there....
(sigh) but like the jaded Achilles, i might be walking around, one of the many wounded (by war of the hearts)...like a lost soul searching for its harbor...seeing a vague vision of a lighthouse from a distance, far-away from her reality...but visible through a fog...what if? that light is what's real, & this reality that can crush the spirit from life sometimes, is what is not...because it is something that i have fabricated from all the mis-steps, like a mistake built on top of a mistake, to cover-up the fact that i might have made a bigger mistake?! oh God, how does one get out of that one?! (read to the tune from Rolling Stones "Paint It Black")...
trying to make right what's wrong... or trying to right a wrong from a negative place??...it only works in Mathematics right?... 2 negatives equals a positive?...but 2 positives is even better!... i hate dichotomies!
it doesn't have to be so black & white...
well, that's the sort of daydreaming that i find myself getting lost in once in a while...not too often of course...or i will be walking towards the deep end again my friend...& no, i'm not gonna go there...
till then... still dreaming,
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