i will leave the light on for U...

i wrote u a poem again...yesterday,
i don't know why but u always come to mind around the holidays,
(i'm listening to some country christmas music as i'm writing this...
("i'll be home for Christmas" - Glen Campbell's singing)
... i know it's only Thanskgiving tomorrow...but one follows the other for sure...
so, i think of u a lot around these festive times...
why, maybe because when i met u, it was almost Christmas,
it was December 14, 2001 to be exact,
we met at around 8:30 in the morning
(early huh, & unromantic of course, i was there to attend
a 3 & 1/2 day transformation seminar called the Landmark Forum-
that i have to thank my lucky charms - U were leading...)
& to make a long story short...
i was wowed by U,
your charm & confidence,
your wit & compassion, your wry sense of humor & sarcasm...
well...so much for that.)
anyway, so that's why i still catch myself thinking of U,
(my friends think i developed an obsession for U, maybe,
but what's wrong with that?... i'm no stalker, i believer in giving people their space
as mine is most precious to me...)
but a mild obsession maybe, that i agree,
i mean it's been almost 3 years & i still think of U,
not so intentionally but it just happens, once in a blue moon,
only once in a while, but more so around Christmas,
i remember how u would say in that seminar,
that because of that seminar & everything we were gonna get out of it,
we were gonna have our best Christmas ever...
(those who attended i mean, not we, as in U & me...really, who am i kidding,
there is no U & Me here in this story....
just voices in my head insisting that maybe there is...& my friends would chide me & say,
yup! It sure is only in your head, girl!!! - so what?! i say!)

so i wrote u a poem, it's simple & nothing to brag about to Mom,
just a little poem that came to me as i was having a "blank" moment on the ferry
on my way home,
so here goes...

i will leave the light on for U...
(by: seekerjay)

if ever u should find yourself
questioning Life,
if ever with your sure-footed ways,
u find yourself wavering along your merry days,
wondering what is it all about?
(to the tune of "Alfie")
All this wandering,
all this travelling,
all these purposely-driven days...
of over-reaching agendas & breaking profits,
of meeting & mending people along the way,
of reaching new & higher heights, of bigger goals,
shooting for the moon instead of the stars...
when all this purpose gets you beaten down sometimes
as those days surely come to the best & the rest of us...

when your dogma gets bitten by a sense of Karma...
& some days when u stare at yourself in the mirror
u question where are U really going?
& u start questioning everything,
the loss of innocence in living,
the loss of those simple, good old days,
when what's missing from your life
glares back at you with your charming, sarcastic smile...
(i'm sure this never happens to U, you're "Mister Have-it-All")

but someday, if... it ever happens to U,
just remember...
i will always leave the light on for U,
...If, you find that road less travelled by...
leads down to a narrow winding path
towards my door...
where i have waited for U forever...
& a day,
is just another dream...
of U coming back to me...
remember, i will always leave the light on for U...
& i will always be here,
where U had left me... in some previous life i imagine,
at the front porch singing my songs for a Love...
that i felt from the moment i saw
the glow of love from your eyes,
& how i basked in your light,
& how U brightened my darkest nights
like a distant shining star,
so close to me, yet so far,
so distant, sometimes so cold,
but i can never forget how that light filled my heart,
my Life since the moment i met you...
that Light will stay,
forever,
& a day is just another dream...
a slumber till we meet again,
i will leave the light on for U,
my travelling friend....my shining star...
keep shining!

(merry Christmas Baby!)

4 more years...

i can't believe the last time i blogged i was still in a different world
full of hope & wishfulness for a fresh start
a new leadership...
"help is on the way!"...
but what do we got now???
MORE OF THE SAME!
it was a blow for a lot of folks here in NY,
i'm sure for all those wanting a change in government & the way things are going,
all downhill...it seems,
we can't get a break right now...
4 more years! ( i still can't get over it...)
it took me a little while to get used to the idea,
(i don't think i can ever get used to the idea, i can only pretend it doesn't exist in my merry world)
like i don't have an Emperor with no clothes,
like i'm not one of those blind following the blind....
of more Bush-isms' foreign policy of colonialism...imperialism....
& this WAR for what?!
seems like a war with no end in sight....
it's gotten worse from last week before election to now...
the week after the election results.

so what do we do now?
what do I do now???
i just wake up the following day,
knowing it was a very tight race & for whatever fraud & cheating that might have taken place
there's not much i can do about it...
i'm just a little speck of dust in this never ending parade...called Life,
I can only make my own life better,
change my life for the better,
according to what Gandhi said -
"be the change you want to see in the World..."
how true is that huh?

if we can't change the way things are,
at the very least, we can only change what we don't want in our own little world...
hopefully, maybe,
some of that positive changes will have a ripple effect out into the bigger worlds that we move around in....

if that ripple effect did not happen now in this election...
there's always 4 years from now...
it's not that far- away...
if u think about it....
sad to think, that this war might last that long...
although I pray that it won't...
that we are all kept out of harm's way,
especially my kids, ( if ever in the far-off, distant future they ever bring back the draft)
...i would have no choice but to move to another country....
that's where my loyalty lies...
in the truth of God's/Jesus teachings of the Golden Rule
" to do unto others what you would want others to do unto you"
to Love your neighbors as yourself...& to love even your enemies....
I know it's hard to do,
it's almost blasphemous to think about it being an American
fighting this war out there which was started
or so they say with what happened on 9-11...
but two wrongs does not make one right does it???
- it just perpretrates the evil of war & all this killing of innocent lives
& look at all the destruction?!

i was pretty depressed last week...
i couldn't even find the energy to blog &
congratulate the so-called winners in this race/farce of a game...
but what is there to congratulate & give thanks to?

really, more of the same??
of what we can expect like this week,
into another week of war,
into another month,
into another year...of war,
into what???
4 more years of WAR???
& for what?!

if one can answer me truthfully
with a clear conscience that what we are doing there as a country is good,
i don't mean right? i mean "good" as in abiding by what one believes as Godly
then...by all means i will listen.

But i've heard enough of it,
in the political race-games,
& i'm still hearing about it in the daily news...
the taking over of Fallujah, 10 more american soldiers dead,
a lot wounded, & how many innocent lives destroyed but never mentioned here....
while the Feds are hiking up the rates again a quarter today...
& there are still not a lot of jobs,
& what????
too much to mention...
too tired to try & write them all down.
too pissed off to try to find justification...
too sad, that we can't have any good news,
so if i were you,
i would just turn off the TV news...
& carry on with life like nothing ever happened last week.
be happy with what you got
cause for now,
that's all you really got.
-till then,
don't worry, be happy...
always,
- J

TODAY - Vote or Die

I thought at first that slogan was a bit too strong,
but after some thought & the fact that this is my 3rd attempt at blogging for the day
& it seems something's wrong with the system that my blogs are not appearing,
my first try was probably my fault - in my excitement to blog my views
& run out the door, to get to the polling booths on time,
i must have hit the wrong key.
ha,ha,ha,...
so now, i shld really be getting frustrated,
this shld be my last attempt for the night to blog out,
vent out my frustrations on this election rollercoaster!

(even my little boy is showing signs of getting frustrated...
when i told him that Bush might be winning, & he knows how we feel
in this house abt G.W. - he said to just turn off that TV news!
& my daughter was busy trying to entertain him so i can blog,
isn't she the sweetest - * she told me to write that btw, cause it's TRUE!)
Wow, that's so simple right?
just tune out...
& tune in to yourself...
check in on yourself & know that you did everything you can do
I did my best according to my conscience,
& voted for what i believe in
for the true democracy...
& whatever the outcome now...
Life goes on...for all of us,
we still have to get along - Republicans & Democrats, Independents
& apathetic ones...
it's just another election,
just 4 more years,
let's try to tighten our belts if we have to...

as of now, almost 9pm,
my boy is asking me to read him a book, he's getting so sleepy from all this
built up excitement,
of course he can sense something really important is happening,
we're all talking about it...aren't we?

I just pray now
that our actions will speak louder than our words,
that the voice of the people will carry us through
tomorrow,
we will know who won...
this election,
i hope it doesn't turn out to be another farce,
another game won by the powers who hold the keys
to the presidency...
& i thought that was supposed to be the people?
i'm too idealistic, but it's better than being apathetic,
being apathetic is like being dead while still living,
being a zombie who lives to survive,
i'd rather survive to LIVE Life according to what i truly believe in...
& truth & justice,
democracy & a brighter future for my children are still some things
that i believe in.

so there, i casted my vote for J & J
the light at the end of the tunnel...
after all is said & done,
i can still sleep peacefully at night...
as i read a goodnight's story to my little son...
with hopes for a better future for him, my daughter & all
the kids not just in America, but also around the world...
the world is much bigger than we think
inside this big old U.S. of A...
& they may all be watching this election closely,
but we are the ones living it...
we should be able to change whatever is not working
in our system right now...
We the People...
or it could take a little bit more time,
but we won't know until tomorrow,
or the next day,
or the following months after the election,
or even after the following 4 years....

still,
all i can do is carry on, pray &
wish my little kids the best for their today
& all their tomorrows....
we aren't really voting only for ourselves, are we?

may the best LEADER win,
may he lead us out of this war with the least
casualties & damage to our so-called national budget,
which trickles down to holes in our pockets...
Good luck one & All,
(don't stay up too late, we still have work to do tomorrow...)
- J