feel like crying sometimes...

something must've gotten to me today...
i was doing ok, then before lunch i was just browsing on the web
&; reading about an American soldier-turned Veteran of the Iraq war...
it was an article on MSN called "the War after the War"...
i was listening to some acoustic music, it was my new old CD of
"everything but the girl" - Acoustic...
&; as i was listening to the audio clip &; looking at the photo slides...
i got chills up &; down my spine,
&; i had to hold back my tears...
at some point, i think it was about - Navigating his benefits after being injured &; amputated &; all that...misery... i had to stop, reading for a while... &; took my headphones off cause i just had to cry...
i forgot what music was playing then in my ears...but it was something strangely appropriate...
this brave soldier's story touched, him &; his family - so young,
he's only 23 &; the brave wife is also that age...
going thru this...

i was touched &; moved, inspired by their bravery
it was making me cry...
when they were talking about his disability,
it made me remember how it was for me...
just last year,
...&; the 3 years before - my first episode of the post-partum blues...
it became so close to home for me...
how real it all is, being disabled,
feeling disabled,
feeling isolated from everybody
even those u love &; care for U...
i felt my heart breaking once again...
cause i'm in the stage i'm in...
so i took a deep sigh...
freshened up my face,
took a walk...
thank God i was meeting up with my girlfriend
for lunch...
it was a good walk - down water St., (sigh)
some fresh air...is so good for U...
when u don't want to run towards medications only...
there's got to be a better way to get thru
our life's miseries...
&; even tho. sometimes "misery loves company"
when ur in the right company...
when there is Love,
when U feel the power of Love,
it is a Healing...
a true &; deeper Healing...
&; that's what touches all of us...

then my problems pale in comparison....

i believe we all go thru our own battles
but even tho. we may think we're so isolated
we are really just a part of all this
bigger picture...
the Big Picture is really,
if we keep letting war &; violence in our hearts,
it slowly seeps into the very fabric of our family,
our community...
then later on it seeps &; bleeds into the fabric
of our city,
then our country,
then later on,
we are victimizing or being victim to
other countries' miseries!

STOP!!!!
take a deep breath...
every ONE of us...
U.S....
us, starts with U & I
U & Me,
then let GO of all this fighting,
this hatred in our hearts...
just let Go,
let God as they say...
& just slow down i suppose...

i turned to my music...
i decided to blog
& listen to my favorites.
this all time fave of mine,
is... Astrud Gilberto...
her song has been playing in my soul
ever since i was a kid...
cause my Mom used to play it for herself
then...it slowly seeped into my being,
my heart & my soul...
my Mom taught me to appreciate music...
to turn to music whenever i feel this way,
whenever i'm feeling a little blue...
sometimes,
music speaks to me better than any man can...
even my husband...
funny, ur saying there she goes again...
so what, that's how i feel...

i feel protected in my music
what i listen to,
what i love,
what i sing to my kids,
what i sing to mySelf...
when i wanna cry myself to sleep,

so, am i getting depressed again???
hardly, just a little melancholy,
it's normal...
nothing wrong with me.
i'm just made that way...
a little eccentric,
a little chemically-imbalanced...
an imperfect creation of God,
but nonetheless...
God's creation.
- that's all i need to remember & keep alive in my being.
I love U,
I love mySelf
& today i really feel
love for that family struggling to make it through
their own war, after the War.

-i pray that they will be well-taken cared of.
- J